So after like, I don’t know, four years or so on a Mac, I’ve finally figured out how to do screen-caps while playing a DVD, which really shows how good I am at problem-solving. The good news is, now I can do recaps of crappy children’s shows from the nineties! W00t! I’ve got the entire run of the Baby-Sitters Club TV series and I’m awaiting all seven seasons of Are You Afraid of the Dark? There’s also a hot mess of AYAOTD episodes on YouTube that are occupying my rainy days until my bootleg VCDs arrive.
Anyway, let’s get started on the recap, shall we? This one is about how Stacey has a chance to have a career in modeling and TV (because Stoneybrook is a huge fashion mecca) but gives it all up because she misses making fun of Jackie Rodowsky and/or cleaning up poopy.
One thing I thought was so effing cool about this series was how there wasn’t one set intro. Each episode treated us to a different beginning, though it all occurred under the backdrop of a theme song that never got any less annoying.
This time, we open on the girls hanging out at the local pizza parlor, which sort of makes me want to order a pie for dinner tonight, but whatever. Claudia holds a fashion magazine and points out a model with white-girl corn rows (see also: Derek, Bo). Claudia talks about how beautiful this look is. The other girls groan and are all, “Oh, Claudia, you’ve got terrible taste!” so Claud finds Stacey and declares that, since she has “good” taste, she should like it. And, of course, since Stacey is a future fashion icon, she recognizes the inherent hotness of the braids.
(Sadly, Stacey does not get to rock this hairstyle at any point during this episode, perhaps due to budget constraints.)
After the intro, we cut to Kristy’s room, where this meeting of the Baby-Sitters Club is officially being called to order, even though we are missing one crucial member. But don’t worry–Stacey arrives a few seconds later (just in time to make an entrance–such a diva!) and announces that she has the most incredible news! Some lady at the department store wants her to be a teen model!
Everyone is all, OMFG!
Honestly, I probably would have had a pretty similar reaction if one of my friends had been scouted to be a model, though I’m still kind of confused as to why it’s the department store that’s setting all this up, rather than like, a modeling agency or something. They also have her appearing in TV spots, which surprises me. But whatever. Who cares? The point is, Stacey’s a model, baby! If things work out, she’ll be the store’s representative for all their ad campaigns, which we know is ultra-important because of the way the girls almost pee themselves.
Meanwhile, the ladies are planning a production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, cast by all the kids they babysit for. I don’t know about you, but this sounds like a scheduling nightmare, never mind having to be all stage-mom with a bunch of kids who aren’t even yours. I’m just saying that it might get slightly awkward with the Rodowsky parents when they ask why little Jackie is fixated on jazz hands all of the sudden.
Mallory decides that Charlotte Johanson, a seriously introverted little girl, would be the perfect Snow White because of her brown hair, big brown eyes, and dimples. Both Charlotte’s acting ability AND her desire to be on stage are highly questionable, but they decide to cast her anyway because she’s a good physical match for the role. Never mind that she’s an inherently shy child who doesn’t really even want to act–she’s just a cute little dark-haired white girl, so she’s the only child who should be allowed to play the lead role.
The next day, Stacey sweet-talks Charlotte into playing Snow White, though it’s clear that this kid would prefer to hang around with her stuffed animals and shit, rather than be forced to be the center of attention. Umm… Paging Dr. Johanson? Feel like stopping these dumb babysitters from forcing your kid to do things? Charlotte is seriously freaked out about being Snow White because she’s afraid of messing everything up (like she did during the Little Miss Stoneybrook Pageant) so Stacey promises that they can have a special, secret code to help Charlotte remember her lines. When Stacey makes a weird clicking sound with her tongue, then Charlotte will magically know all of her cues and what-not.
Um… ok. Whatever works so you can cast this “major Baby-Sitters Club production,” I guess.
Gawd, I freaking hate it when children’s productions are cast like this. It really pisses me off. Way to teach kids that the way they look is really the most important thing about them, BSC! In elementary school, we did this musical about tall tales and shit, and I’ll never really forget the humiliation. I wanted the part of Calamity Jane (because she was a bad-ass) but the teacher automatically gave it to this little girl with long blonde princess hair. I mean, seriously, I know Calamity Jane probably wasn’t Philipino, but still. It also wasn’t that historically accurate to have Pecos Bill singing and dancing, not that that bothered anybody. I’m just saying that I was ROBBED since this kid couldn’t even run lines! If the music teacher had let me audition in the first place, then she would have known I had captured Jane’s wild-west spirit. Now I know how Mickey Rourke felt when Sean Penn got the Oscar.
Ahem, moving on…
Later, everybody’s hanging out, trying to help Stacey figure out what to wear to her big photo session. She is simultaneously afraid of being too casual or too done-up, which is basically how I feel when preparing for pretty much any important event. So yeah, I feel you, Stacey. Kristy urges everyone to put this all in a little bit of perspective, then bitch-ass Mary-Anne accuses her (in the most pleasant and passive-aggressive way) of being jealous. Kristy is all, “Bitch, I’ll lay my pimp-hand on you so fast you won’t even know it’s coming!” and then mentions that she absolutely hates getting all dressed up and getting her picture taken, so she doesn’t really get the appeal of all this modeling crap.
Jessi says that, if her ballet career doesn’t work out, maybe she’ll be a model, too. I say, go ahead, baby girl! You’re already used to the pressure of staying ultra-skinny, so modeling should be a cinch for you. Plus (in my opinion) you’re the prettiest girl in the club, so you should probably do something to remind them all of that.
The next day, Stacey has her big photo session. I’m not even gonna lie: I thought this shit was hella glamorous when I was a kid. The modeling montage was pretty sexy and I’m almost certain that I probably spent at least a few minutes in front of the mirror posing and making shutter-click sounds with my tongue. I’m just saying.
The lady from the department store totally kisses her ass and tells her how wonderful she is at smiling and moving her head around, so it’s clear that Stacey’s career in fashion is coming off to a really awesome start. Meanwhile, the rest of the BSC is working on their production of Snow White. There’s some general hilarity in which Jessi’s little sister (who is way more comfy on stage, but I guess can’t be Snow White because she’s too ethnic) wants to have a little pizzazz and wear a tu-tu, and one of the Rodowsky boys refuses to wear tights because only girls wear tights, and we all know that being a girl is the most foul and disgusting thing one could ever be.
Then little Charlotte gets all whiney and shit about how she simply can’t perform if Stacey’s not around. Kristy patiently explains that Stacey is off at her modeling gig, and Charlotte gets all J-Lo and stalks off to her trailer.
Actually, she just gives us a sad puppy face, which I think is equally effective, don’t you? She’s annoying, but damn she’s cute. I just want to take her ass to Build-A-Bear Workshop to stop the pain.
While Charlotte is making doves cry, Stacey is posing for some really illogical shots. For example…
…why the hell would you have a girl dressed for the beach (complete with innertube) in a freaking arch-way at a park? It’s really confusing to me.
Later that day, the BSC meets up at the local pizza parlor and dish about Stacey’s glamorous day. Stacey does not partake of the pizza, however, since Mrs. Stewart (the department store lady) says that Stacey’s “getting fat” and should watch what she eats. Youch! Mrs. Stewart, I might just want to kick your ass.
Kristy says that that’s why some models are anorexic, and the rest of the girls refuse to believe her, because they can’t handle the truth!
Then Charlotte comes into the pizza parlor with her mom. Stacey tries to say hello to Charlotte, but Charlotte completely ignores her. Diva!
So then it’s the next day and we’re at the New Faces Fashion show, which I guess is also kind of a modeling competition. As expected, our Stacey beats all the other bitches and rises to the top. Now she’s the new face (get it?) of the department store and should get plenty more jobs, though I have no idea why a department store needs its own full-time model on staff. There’s some boring rehearsal crap with the rest of the BSC and their play, while Stacey is busy being a top model.
But then, while in the waiting room for her next gig, Stacey connects with a little girl who is there with her mother. The mom remarks on how good Stacey is with children, and Stacey reveals that she buys gummy-bear-scented perfume, which attracts children like a pheromone. Then she talks about how great the BSC is, and then Stacey is all sad-puppy-face because she misses taking care of the kiddies. She totally blows off Mrs. Stewart and goes to the play, instead!
As expected, Charlotte starts fucking her lines up–because, duh, she doesn’t want to be there!–but then Stacey comes to the rescue and does that mouth-click sound that’s supposed to be magic. The play is a huge success. And, by “huge,” I mean that all the members of the BSC and most of the kids that they babysit for are in attendance, with a curious lack of parents.
We end with the BSC intact once again and having a wonderful time together.
The moral of the story? If you’re a member of the BSC, your soul belongs to them. You can’t have any other outside interests or activities, especially not one that will interfere with your ability to racially profile children.