So here’s the thing… I’m trying to read this book. The whole thing is available for free online from HarperTeen in anticipation of the new show premiering soon on the CW, so I figured, “Why they hell not?”
I’m only about 40 or so pages into it, and let me just say that it’s getting harder and harder for me to stand the heroine, Elena. Seriously, Elena–what is your problem, baby girl? I know that your parents recently kicked the bucket (or something like that, I’m not sure yet) but there’s no reason to be so obsessed with the new boy, Stefan.
First of all, he doesn’t sparkle. That’s one strike against him. And he’s not played by Robert Pattinson, so that’s strike two. Strike three? No bouffant.
I rest my damn case.
Apparently, Elena is intrigued by Stefan for because A) he’s a hot boy with a Porsche, and B) he seems totally uninterested in jumping her bones.
You see, Elena is a hottie with a body. We learn that not be observing everyone else’s reactions to her, or some other traditional means of exposition, but by the oh-so-subtle trick of having the character look in a mirror and describe herself in very glowing terms.
Because I know I just LOVE being told what to think of characters–how else would I know who to find hot?
So yeah, all the boys at school are totally tripping over their boners to get a piece of Elena… except for sexy-ass Stefan, of course, who actually IS interested in baby girl, except he’s reluctant to get closer because he sort of vants to suck her blood more than, I don’t know, take her out to dinner and a movie.
But wait, there’s more. Stefan has mind-reading powers, sort of. As far as I can tell right now, he’s an empath-type, which is totally different from a telepath. Oh, and he thinks that Elena is the spitting image of an old love named Katherine, who I don’t know too much about yet.
So, between the playing hard to get, resemblance to a dead ex-lover, and Elena crying lots because there’s one guy in town who isn’t trying to burrow into her pants, we might have ourselves a good, snarkable time.
More later as my eyes recover from my long-ish on-screen reading sesh.